The Darkness Within
by CountofMonteCristo17
Summary: Zak's inner thoughts and general turmoil as the burden of being Kur finally catches up to him in a breakdown long overdue. Set after episode "Return of Tsul Kalu".


The world around him burned, and he reveled in its destruction. He drank in the fear that permeated the air, and lavished in the bliss of his complete and awful power. The screams of the hunted was the world's sweetest symphony, and he basked in the cacophony of chaos.

His servants had cornered another one, and they parted before their master, who was eager to inflict his torment on the beings that had caused his demise a lifetime ago. As he approached, he savored the raw fear on his victim's face.

"Why are you doing this?" the man screamed.

As his eyes glowed with energy, he looked down upon the pitiful creature cowering before him and relished in his dominance, "Because you're human." And his hand sliced through the air, signaling the man's demise.

"No!" Zak shouted, shooting upright in bed. Sweat dripping off his fevered skin as he gasped for breath. Panting, he raced into the bathroom and threw himself at the sink. _My eyes_... he had to make sure, had to see for himself… Lifting his head up, he cautiously opened them and nearly sobbed in relief. They were normal. No ancient mystic Sumerian power seeping from them, they lacked the cold edge of a killer. _For now anyway…_

With a frustrated sigh, he turned his back on the mirror and tried to focus on his breathing. For the last few nights he had awoken, overwhelmed with inexplicable dread, all because of that stupid dream.

 _Except, it wasn't just a dream._ His thoughts whispered to him in the dark. It was a premonition, a warning, of what he could become if he ever lost control. The worst part was it wasn't just something _he_ feared, it was a possibility the _world_ feared. Tsul Kalu, the Secret Scientist's, humans and cryptids worldwide. They all feared _him_.

And why shouldn't they? Wasn't he the reincarnation of the ultimate ancient evil? A twelve year old boy cursed with the power to destroy the world with a single thought. Heck, he would be scared too; he _was_ scared, terrified, that despite his best efforts, he would eventually succumb to the darkness within him.

Zak clutched his head in his hands and tried to snap himself out of this perilous train of thought, "Come on Zak, keep it together, it was just a dream, just a stupid nightmare! It's not real…", but no matter how hard he tried; he couldn't block his traitorous thoughts from clawing their way to the surface.

Since his latest lesson in the mines with Argost, his perspective had become treacherously warped. Villain though he might be, the man had opened Zak's eyes to the ugly truth. He was dangerous.

He had once believed that he could fight Kur's destiny and use his power to protect the world, but after his nearly disastrous mistake in Hong Kong, and his recent run-in with the Bunyips, he was beginning to believe there was no escape from the inevitable.

Caught off-guard by this rapid onslaught of emotion, Zak found himself spiraling uncontrollably. Pressure began to build behind his eyes as he choked back dry sobs, desperate not to be discovered in such a wretched state.

 _It was too much!_ He screamed internally. He was twelve years old for heaven's sake! How on earth was a kid supposed to fight against an evil that was ancient before mankind? And the real icing on the cake was the fact that he, Zak Saturday _was_ the ancient evil. He had known Rani Nagi had spoken the truth when she proudly revealed he was the true embodiment of Kur, but like the foolish child that he was, he had deluded himself into believing otherwise.

Even his parents had fallen for their own delusions, holding onto the erroneous belief that Kur and Zak were two separate entities. In desperation they had sought out the Legion of Garuda, intent on expelling the monster within him. What they had failed to realize was that their son _was_ the monster. He wasn't being possessed, he simply existed, and unfortunately for him, the world thought he shouldn't.

Despite his best efforts, a single tear slipped free from his eye. It was the crack that broke the dam, and suddenly he was sobbing in earnest, his precipitous control shattered. Crushed beneath the weight of his inner demons, he sank to the floor, desolate in his misery. His body wracked with the force of his unsuppressed anguish. He roughly pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes in an effort to stem the tide, but it was too late. A miasma of despair permeated the room, seeping from his tortured soul. Pressed against the heat leaching tile, he felt akin to Atlas, and amidst his cries, he dimly wondered if Atlas had found any solace in his pain.

But unlike Atlas, his burden could not be cast upon another. He alone was responsible for the fate of the world. It was an eternal curse. _Eternal power, eternal pain._ Zak thought bitterly. He had hoped to rid himself of such a destiny with that cursed flute, but his fate it seemed, was inescapable.

For the past six months, his power had been steadily evolving, expanding its reach and influence beyond his capacity to control. And the more he tried to contain it, the faster it emerged, like sand slipping through his fingers. His time was running out, and the flute had been his last chance.

Yet when he had heard those first brief notes in the depths of the Naga's lair, he hadn't felt a separation, only white-hot pain. In that split second, his worst fear had been confirmed. He and Kur were one, inseparable and intertwined beyond what any magic could possibly unravel. Any attempt to cleave the two could only result in their combined destruction, but perhaps that was what he had been counting on most.

Kur had recognized the flute as a deadly threat, and that was all the incentive Zak had needed to follow through with the plan. Even if it cost him his life, he owed it to humanity to at least try to rid the world of such evil. Wasn't that what the good guy would do? _And_ , he remembered thinking with a sense of finality; _I am still a good guy_.

 _Besides,_ he had thought half-heartedly, _maybe the flute actually can save me…_ Trying to convince himself of such a bold-faced lie had been so completely human of him, despite how much he longed for it to be true.

So he had proceeded with the fatal ritual, and focused every ounce of strength he possessed into suppressing his powers to prevent Kur from fighting back. But his instinct for self-preservation had been stronger than anticipated, and he had not been able to keep his abilities in check. The backlash had been intense, the pain blocking out everything else in his futile attempt to sabotage himself.

On the bathroom floor, darkness was creeping in the edges of his vision, threatening to swallow him whole. He was drowning in an ocean of hopelessness, and in his panic he began to hyperventilate. _It was all so pointless,_ he despaired, _Argost had it right all along._

As if on cue, the dreaded memory of the villain taunting him in the mines arose in forefront of his mind.

 _"_ _My dear boy, you've lied to your parents, betrayed your own mother, and you're about to let the villain walk out of here so mommy and daddy don't learn the truth about our business relationship. I brought you here to discover a monster, and so you have."_

His head pounded fiercely in time with his rapid intakes of air that were far too shallow to do him much good, and as if to prove his point, a wave of dizziness struck him, leaving him helpless on the ground. His jagged gasping was all that pierced the silence of the night.

How could he possibly have deceived himself into believing that the willpower and optimism of a twelve year old boy could somehow overcome one of the most ancient evils the world had ever known? _God, he was so stupid!_ He cursed as another flashback overtook him.

 _"_ _No more games Argost! Take me to the monster now!"_

 _"_ _Yes, power up junior Kur, reach out, the monster is close."_

That day in the mines had been his first real glimpse into the darker side of his powers, his first real taste of the fear it instilled among humans and cryptids alike, and to his utter dismay, he had _enjoyed_ it. The majority of him had been devastated to discover he was the true source of the Bunyip's fear, but the darker part of him, the dormant part, had stirred from deep in the recesses of his soul to savor the long forgotten taste. On some primal level, he had found pleasure in its affliction, and like seeing a fox tear into its prey, he had been captivated by the raw brutality of it. Despite his disgust, he found himself craving more.

The temptation called to him every time he used his abilities, patiently waiting for him to succumb. Kur's voice would whisper in the back of his mind, showing him visions of a world untainted by mankind. _Would it be so wrong_ _to exact revenge on those responsible for his family's sufferings?_ _Wasn't his power the obvious solution to an otherwise impossible problem?_ It urged him to unleash his full potential onto an unsuspecting world, enticing and beguiling, and oh so dark. He would be lying if he said he'd never come close to giving in.

But every time its lure grew too great for him to ignore, something always managed to pull him back. Family, friends, even his _fear_ kept him from straying too close to the edge. He was especially thankful for his family, who managed to anchor him to humanity, but even they couldn't prevent his gradual descent.

For Zak was losing more of himself to the darkness each day, as indicated by his covert liaisons' with his arch enemy, V.V. Argost.

He curled into himself even further in a futile attempt to regain a modicum of composure, but he was too far gone. His chest was burning from lack of oxygen, his face was wet with tears, and his head beat upon his skull like drums of war.

That's when Tsul Kalu had shown up. Upon learning the truth of his father's blindness and the role he had played, Zak had been overrun with feelings of guilt and shame. He had left his family behind to face the hunter head on, his emotions having reached their breaking point.

He had wanted to be held accountable for all the pain he had inflicted since becoming Kur, he wanted to release his rage at the hypocrisy of the world, and, ashamed though he was to admit it, he wanted to hurt someone the way he had been hurting these last six miserable months. Kur was begging to be unleashed, and for once, Zak was more than willing to accommodate. In the heat of the battle, he and Kur had moved as one, in total and complete synchrony for the first time. They were going to show the world they were a force to be reckoned with, starting with the creature who dared to trespass on their home.

Zak had channeled months' worth of frustration and helplessness into one all-out assault, but Tsul Kalu was not so easily overcome. Piercing his mind with fragments of an apocalyptic future under Kur's reign, the hunter was able to sow enough unrest within Zak to continually disrupt his newfound harmony.

He had believed the hunter was trying to use those visions to break him, and he had been determined to prove that Kur was not so easily cowed. Seething, Zak had let instinct take over as he had rained blow after blow down on the prone figure beneath him, unleashing his pent up emotions in a mighty display of raw force.

 _"_ _All I've ever tried to be is the good guy! I know I'm Kur but I'm trying! I never wanted to hurt anybody! I am not a monster! Why are you showing me these things?"_

But just when he had been about to land the final blow, and surrender himself to the darkness completely, he had unconsciously connected with Tsul Kalu just long enough to realize the true nature of his visions.

 _"_ _Wait these visions, they're not my worst fear…they're…they're yours. You were scared of me. You didn't just come for the claw because you missed it; you came to keep it away from Kur."_

The fires of his passion were swiftly quenched at the sudden realization he had been only moments away from becoming the very thing both he and Tsul Kalu were so frightened of. Falling to his knees in defeat, he had been too exhausted and depressed to finish the fight, not if it meant becoming _that_.

 _"_ _If even the good cryptids think I'm destined for evil, then, I don't know why I should fight anymore."_ His thoughts echoed hauntingly in his mind, highlighting all his failures and weakness.

 _"_ _No! NO!"_ He screamed. Why was he thinking about this? Why couldn't he push these memories aside? Bury them so deep no one would ever be able to drag them back up, not even Dr. Bara.

Undeterred by his protests, the memory played on, and in the midst of his turmoil, he saw Tsul Kalu placing the claw at his feet and bowing to him in respect. He paused in his tears, _"Where had that come from?"_ Suddenly, a glimpse of Wadi and Ulraj broke through his haze; they were fighting alongside him, not intimidated in the least. He remembered asking Doyle to penetrate the seedy underbelly of the world and uncover the secrets of Argost's past, no questions asked.

 _"_ _You know I trust you completely Mini Man."_ his uncle had said with a smile.

He thought of his parents, Fisk, Komodo, and Zon, who hadn't hesitated to face this new threat with him in a declaration of undying love and support.

Breathing slowly Zak managed to compose himself enough to force himself upright despite his stiff muscles and aching head. He took a final steadying breath and closed his eyes. As his heartbeat returned to normal, a final memory flashed in his mind's eye, the rainbow after the storm. It was of his dad, speaking to him before the final face off with Kur in Antarctica.

 _"_ _There aren't a lot of moments like this in life Zak. Times when you're forced to prove who you are, what you're really made of, and none of us is gonna let you face this one alone."_

Smiling through his tears, he stood on shaky legs, gripping the sink's edge for support, and despite the weakness and fatigue he felt in his bones, he stood straighter than he had in a long time. His final few tears were not ones of despair, but of relief, and as they slid down his cheeks he let out a weak laugh, feeling lighter than he had in months. This whole time he thought he had been fighting his darkness alone, when really his family had been there with him every step of the way. He had just been too stubborn to see it.

Bending over the sink, he ran the tap and splashed cold water on his face to wash away the last visible traces of his breakdown. As he looked up into the mirror, he saw his eyes burning brightly with an unearthly yellow glow, but this time he smiled.


End file.
